A few weeks ago, I decided to make a major change in my life. I was tired of being told “No”, and sick of my nearest and dearest saying that I couldn’t be who I am. It was on that day that I took a stand against my oppressor: the 128gb iPhone XR I’ve had since late 2018, which has been pushing to capacity for years, due to an endless and inexorable collection of celebrity screenshots. masculine.
The person who finally pushed my poor phone over the edge was the latest internet quirky white guy of the week, Logan Lerman. Past contenders for this title have included Dylan O’Brien, Noah Centineo, and basically any man between the ages of 19 and 32 that can be found on the home page of his favorite streaming service. Lerman, however, is different. He’s an anomaly in a collective sea of half-tanned men with patchy facial hair.
He is currently starring in the second season of Amazon. hunters, playing a Nazi hunter (hot!). I hear he’s great at it, and good for him. It’s another reason why he’s top boyfriend material on the internet. Something about him, and him in particular, earns a spot on your camera roll.
I know what you might be thinking. “Oh, you talented and precocious entertainment critic, how many photos could you possibly have on your phone?” How about 33,626 for you? And I guarantee that in the time it takes me to finish clicking my fingers on this keyboard until your eyeballs land on these words, that number will be up to its next hundred.
I don’t mean this in the way you’re thinking, either. Get your mind drain! I’m being completely honest when I say that I often save photos of gorgeous celebrities because I enjoy swiping them on the train when I don’t have service. Or I flip through them on rainy days like an old magazine and send them to my friends to marvel at as if we were all reading. tiger strike at a pajama party. I keep a copy of Timothée Chalamet’s British Fashion decked out on my coffee table for the past two months, just because it gives me high school level butterflies to look down on episodes of The Americans to see her curls staring back at me.
Some people collect geodes or go bird watching. I also like pretty things! What prevents me from enjoying the benefits of nature from the comfort of the backlit screen of my phone? I’ve made peace with my steadfast obsession with famous men. All my boyfriends stay on my phone, something my real-life boyfriend (who is not a figment of my imagination) has used to taunt me for five years every time I complain about having to delete 10 identical photos of Colin. Farrell when I want to save a picture of my literal family.
But from time to time, these discoveries need to be shared with the public. And when a video of Logan Lerman dancing to “Milkshake” by Kelis appeared on my Instagram account, you had to pay attention. It was too good to stay on camera roll. But first, it had to be He brought to the camera roll. With that, I backed up my boyfriends photos to the cloud and grabbed the 512GB iPhone 13 Pro that I had been putting off setting up for days. Like Ben Franklin and his little electric volts or Gwyneth Paltrow and her vaginal candles, this discovery was too good to keep to myself.
The video may only be eight seconds long, but it’s more than enough to bring Lerman into reverence as the most prolific internet crush of our time. Something about a guy with his hair down, dressed in a full cozy outfit (a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and socks) while dancing with Kelis just feels judgmental. That’s not to mention Jon & Vinny’s takeout bag, which rests on the table behind him. I’ve never been to Los Angeles’ beloved casual Italian restaurant, but there’s a primal, alluring quality to a man willing to patronize a place that sells banana bread with warm salted butter for $6.25.
Others seemed to echo my own thoughts. Multiple people he showed up on my notifications with different versions of “He’s such a boyfriend” in response. Others appreciated that Lerman apparently didn’t mind posting a goofy video of himself dancing. like such a person concisely say it, “I was waiting for Dylan O’Brien to drop the crown.”
Except there’s a difference between Lerman and O’Brien. O’Brien, alumnus of MTV hit teen wolfshe’s had even bigger success in recent years, playing the love interest in Taylor Swift’s short film “All Too Well” and as a tertiary character in last summer’s Hulu black comedy. Not well. For that film, O’Brien whitewashed his shaved cut to capture the smug and goofy charms of a TikTok peddler, sending a ripple through the internet’s collective libido. Yes, I’m sorry for how disgusting that sentence sounds. But I was there and I saw cities turn to rubble in seconds.
Logan Lerman, however, is different. He’s not everywhere, and that’s what makes it the prime candidate for cultural courtship. Lerman has the mystique of a true movie star, combined with the charms reserved for the Chalamets of the world, and the good looks of an architect in a supermarket romance novel. This is a man who goes back to 2012, when Tumblr led us to believe that the best you could be was someone who dared to wear a pea coat.
Lerman is the weird, actually enigmatic famous white boy. He’s not out paparazzi walks in skin-tight workout shirts or doing photo shoots in leather pants. He is never shirtless. (You can’t swing an 8-foot iPhone charger without hitting a topless photo of Noah Centineo. He doesn’t find his way onto our phones that way. When Lerman landed the lead in the percy jackson franchise in 2010, it was smart. He parlayed the failure of the YA series into an iconic role in The perks of Being a Wallflowerand the rest was history, preserved in gif format on the internet as fossils in amber.
Here’s the rare actor who obviously doesn’t crave the attention and stardom that becomes exhausting for the rest of us to witness. His roles are rare; Lerman acts when he wants to and posts sporadically on social media. So when he blessed us all with a video of himself dancing to promote the second season of huntersit felt like a gift.
This was proof that in addition to being endlessly charismatic, he is also very self-aware. Arguably this man doing two steps with “Milkshake” was a sign that he’s okay to be a little thirsty. It is who we are! It’s okay for Logan Lerman, and everyone else we pass between from month to month, to dance in our hearts. And, in our camera rolls.